Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dear Joe...

Hopefully, many of you have the good fortune of living near a Trader Joe's supermarket.  After years of shopping at the mainstream supermarkets, Trader Joe's has made my Sunday food shopping quite a bit more enjoyable. Its unique twists and takes on snacks and desserts...its delicious, easy-to-prepare lunches and dinners...and its reasonable prices are just a few of the appealing factors of this chain. To show my gratitude, I have listed 10 reasons why I love you, Trader Joe!

  1. Your individual bags of "handfuls" of almonds: You make me know when I've had enough almonds, Joe. Nobody's ever done that for me before.
  2. Your lack of hydrogenated oils: Stop and Shop, A&P, Shop Rite…you name it. They try to load me up with trans fats and clog my arteries. They don't care about me the way that you do, Joe.
  3. Your infinite variety of combination juices: Apple Grape, Black Raspberry, Blueberry Pomegranate, Strawberry Kiwi…the list goes on. It's like an interracial, interfaith marriage of delectable fruits. Your acceptance and willingness to blend fruits from different backgrounds is pure and beautiful.
  4. Your frozen vegetarian pizza: You make it easy to have a quick, easily-prepared dinner. Sure there's cheese on it, but those delicious veggies sprinkled on top makes me feel like I'm being just a little bit healthier…and you understand how important that is, Joe.
  5. Your never-ending selection of "healthy" chips: You realize that a "popped" chip is healthier than a "fried" chip. Who else even thought of that? You realize that sweet potato chips are a welcome alternative to regular potato chips. Damn, you're intuitive!
  6. Your nitrate/nitrite-free hot dogs and whole wheat buns: Sure it's not the same greasy dog that you'd be eating while watching the Yankees, but there are other occasions to eat hot dogs, too....and you might not always want to pollute your body with these toxic preservatives. Who knows this? That's right...you do, Joe.
  7. Your unbeatable selection of cookies: Dunkers, Way-more Chocolate Chip cookies, Joe-Joes, etc. C'mon…the way you thought of taking America's favorite cookie,the Oreo...removing the hydrogenated oils, and calling it by your name…twice? Pure genius.  I don't see any "Pathmark Pathmark" cookies anywhere!  Just good 'ol "Joe-Joes"! Brilliant.
  8. Your toilet paper, paper towels, detergents, soaps, and shampoos: Products that are environmental, non-toxic, and don't have any Disney/Hannah Montana branding. Need I say more, Joe?
  9. The fact that you unload the items from my cart and bag them for me: I think you're more than aware that nobody else does this for me.  Could you be any more selfless, Joe?
  10. Your daily samples: You not only allow me to purchase your amazing products to feed myself at home, but while I'm shopping, you make sure I'm fed.  That's truly the way to my heart.  Apparently, you're the only one who knows this, Joe.
The list could go on and on. Thanks for everything, Joe. See you on Sunday.


  1. Great list! Hilarious.
    Trader Joe's is on my Top 5 list of why I miss living in The Bay Area. Love their random beer and wine specials.


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