Monday, April 11, 2011

Oh Gahd!

Here's a question. Why does Gadhafi get to spell his name so many different ways?? It's so unfair.  What, does he have multiple personalities or something? And c'mon, you have to admit that it's strange that anyone would easily recognize his name not only as Gadhafi, but also as Qaddafi, Ghadafi, Khadafi, and various other letter combinations.

You'd think that if 'ol Moammar was in need of a nickname, he'd go for something a little catchier. Maybe something that's not pronounced exactly like his existing name. I guess living in a place like Libya can limit your creative juices, huh?  Maybe he'd do better with a nickname like Smack Daddy?  How about Dick Tater?! Perhaps a play on his name, such as Daffy?  Too cutesy maybe, but still catchier than the alternate spelling idea.

I'm certainly willing to give him the benefit of the doubt in this situation, even though he's a homicidal maniac and all.  Perhaps being a violent dictator for 40 years can feel redundant after a while. Maybe it drives you to reinvent any way you can. Like Madonna does. Maybe he's like "Yesterday, I was Ghadafi!  However, today, you will call me Qaddafi!  And please remember that the Q is pronounced like a K. If you call me QU-adafi, I will behead you!" (Please imagine this being said forcefully..with a Libyan dictator accent.)  Anyway, luck is certainly on his side given the fact that there are so many letters and combinations of letters that essentially are pronounced identically. What a lucky son-of-a-bitch!

Each time you read about him in the paper, it's like reading about someone brand new.  Yet I stand by the fact that it's a bit unfair.  Do you know how often I've wanted to vary the spelling of my last name? When I sign a credit card receipt, do you know how hard it is to not sign it Jon Phischman?  When I print my name on the doctor's waiting list, can you imagine the restraint it takes to not write my name down as Jhon Fishhmann?  C'mon, just once! How about a little reinvention for yours truly?

Don't worry, I'm a reasonable guy and I will,  after all is said and done, let it go.  However, I thought someone needed to draw attention to it.  The public simply doesn't seem to flinch when Qaddafi is spelled in a new way when reading a newspaper or magazine. It's strangely accepted by..well, everyone! And I honestly doubt they even notice.  Anyway, I just think that I deserve the same flexibility. That's all.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Urine or You're Out!

Random Thought/Question

Why do urinals usually exist in sets of 3? Does the middle one ever even get used? 

At most companies where I’ve worked, these are usually the scenarios that occur:
  • If they’re all empty, you’ll either choose the left urinal or the right urinal.
  • If the left one or right one is occupied, you’ll choose the left one or right one that’s NOT occupied.
  • If BOTH the left one AND right one are occupied, you’ll use the toilet instead.
  • If ONLY the middle one is occupied, then the occupant is an ASSHOLE.

My proposal? Eliminate the middle one. Just a left and right urinal with a space in between!

You know how much porcelain could be preserved??!!  Uh...a lot, probably.  There IS a porcelain shortage, right?  OK, maybe not, but still!!  We could save a lot of those urinal cakes, too!

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